Whut?

The ads scattered throughout the pages of  magazines from the 1950s and 1960s (particularly men’s magazines like Argosy, True, Zest and Bluebook) are like main lines to the quick-fix, reptile brain. Stitched together, sans those pesky “articles” and “editorials” surrounding them, they reveal a rich (and shockingly affordable) fantasy world, which is readily available to any person with an open mind, a handful of small bills, and a fresh book of stamps.

Keep dropping that money in the mailbox and, soon enough, not only will you have the body of a Greek god, you’ll be able to read minds, see through walls, look taller, control friends and enemies alike through various forms of hypnosis, see through women’s dresses, and generally get anything and everything you ever wanted.

Get an adorable pet monkey through the mail for under $20! Discover simple routes to exciting new occupations, like “Meat Cutter” or “Crime Investigator” or “Hotel Executive”! Learn how to fight off entire gangs of street toughs with a tiny, mysterious wand called KASHI-NO-BO! Just about every other ad, in some way, reinforces your right to carry a gun, and any product that could be considered even remotely boring has a sexy lady thrown in.

Welcome to the life you always dreamed of. Too bad most of the people who offered it are probably dead.